‘The way we talk about Dying Matters’

Shooting Star Children’s Hospices strives to provide a safe and supportive environment for all family members to openly discuss their unique journeys of caring for a baby, child or young person with a life-limiting condition or having a child who has died suddenly.

Recognising the profound impact on parents, siblings, grandparents, and the extended family unit, we aim to create a compassionate space where family members of all ages can share their emotions, challenges, and experiences without judgement.

We work hard to ensure every family member feels heard, valued and supported.

As we support Dying Matters Awareness Week, hosted by Hospice UK, we echo its mission to promote and encourage all communities to get talking in whatever way, shape or form works for them.

This year’s theme is ‘The way we talk about Dying Matters’. It focuses on the language that we use and the conversations we have around death and dying, especially between healthcare professionals and patients, their carers and their families.

“It is so important that our language reflects the care and compassion we want our families to experience,” said Sarah Hodkinson, Head of Psychosocial Services at Shooting Star Children’s Hospices.

“However, that can be difficult for professionals who have not experienced the death of a child in their school or nursery or those who experience this less often in a hospital setting. Since we opened the doors of our first hospice, we have listened carefully to everything families have taught us. We listen to mums, dads, step-parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters of all ages to learn what helped them. Almost every week our specialist children’s therapists are helping an adult (parent or teacher) think about how they might navigate a conversation with a little person who is needing to learn about a prognosis or death of their brother or sister. With a thoughtful, individualised and age-appropriate approach, this moment can be safe and loving.”

With a commitment to providing specialised care, we offer holistic counselling, complementary therapies and a range of events, including support groups, where family members can meet each other and develop personal support networks with people who live nearby. These events are unique and precious opportunities for parents to meet other parents, siblings to meet other siblings and grandparents to meet other grandparents. At a recent grandparent’s event, a grandfather told us it was the first time he had spoken about how the death of his grandchild had left him feeling.

Caroline Brett-Field, Shooting Star Children’s Hospices Events Manager, said, “During all the events that we host at our hospices, I always stop and take a moment to look around the room.

“It moves me every time to witness the power of our events program at Shooting Star. Relaxed connections between siblings whilst decorating a biscuit or dads having moments encounter at the cake stand and then meet again at our dads take-away night. Time and time again, families comment on how the hospice is their safe place. I’m proud of how the bereaved events are growing and shaping to meet the needs of all our bereaved families.”

Here is a list of some of the events we run:

Memory Days
This event is for parents and carers who currently use our bereavement service and is a safe space for families to share their memories and treasure the life of their baby, child or young person. There is a short service of remembrance featuring a video montage including photos of their child, followed by a buffet lunch. Family members can also create a craft in memory of their child or visit our ‘Wall of Love’.
The dates for this year’s Memory Days are:
Friday 14 June: 10:30 – 2pm at Shooting Star House
Thursday 20 June: 10:30-2pm at Christopher’s

Bereavement cafés
We host a weekly Bereavement Café at Shooting Star House in Hampton on Thursdays between 10.30 am and 12 pm. Siblings, grandparents, friends and family members can drop in, come together and enjoy a coffee with our Family Support Workers, who are there to chat and listen. It is a safe and comfortable setting where they can take part in a craft activity that helps them to focus their attention on being creative, and when they feel ready, they can chat with those around them. Bereaved mum, Louise Kennelly, said, “I attend the café as it gets me out of the house, I get to meet other parents who understand what I’m going through, and I get to see staff that knew Jessica when she was alive.”

Bereaved Dads takeaway nights
Dads can come and get to know other dads at this event, while enjoying a takeaway on us. We offer a space for fathers to gather, share and connect with others who are going through similar journeys.

Light up a Star
To celebrate and remember the lives of  loved ones, we hold a Light up a Star service. This includes poems, music and a moment of reflection as families all gather to light lanterns in memory of their loved one. It’s followed by light refreshments and a chance to talk to other families who fundraise in memory for us.

Bereaved siblings day
Our siblings’ days help children and young people find comfort in being with other bereaved siblings and a chance to make some new friends or meet up with ones they have met before. Our children’s therapists include carefully crafted activities that help children and young people to share their experiences and tell others about their sibling who has died.

Bereaved mums pamper day
These days are a chance for mums to be pampered, meet other parents with children using the services and make some relaxing treats to take home. They enjoy two bespoke 30-minute treatments like a body massage or a hand and foot massage all in the privacy of our beautiful treatment room or they might fancy mini manicure. These moments where we care for them help them to continue to be there for their families.

Christmas grotto
An event filled with Christmas crafts and hot chocolates full of marshmallows!  Bereaved families can visit Father Christmas and his elves, in the safe setting of our hospice.

Drop-in events
Drop-in runs every month for both bereaved and supported families, we alternate which hospice hosts the event. Each event has a fun theme, or we invite an external provider to teach us something new.

Teen siblings days
This is a great opportunity for our bereaved and supported teens to come together, make new friends and catch up. This is usually an active event that we encourage teens try something new or show us how it’s done! The main aim is to allow conversations to be had with another sibling in a similar situation as them.

Wishes
We love to make wishes come true. Families can request a special wish to create a lasting memory for their family. We can help families find the right charity to approach to organise this or we can work with families to make this wish a reality together.