Jenny’s story
After her son Oliver died, Jenny tried to cope with the unimaginable loss largely on her own, focusing on his brother, Tom, and her work. It wasn’t until she was introduced to Lisa in our Family Support team that she realised she needed extra support.
“I liked everything about Oliver. His brother always said that Oliver wasn’t scared of anyone or anything, which is true. He was a quiet boy, wasn’t outspoken, quite reserved but with a very dry sense of humour. He was sporty, loved his football; never happier than with a football at his feet and he played to quite a high standard, even through his diagnosis and beyond. He loved his family and was very close to his brother.”
Oliver was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma, a soft tissue cancer, in October 2022. He underwent four months of gruelling chemotherapy and five weeks of daily radiotherapy, and major surgery in March 2023. After such intense treatment, the family were overjoyed to learn he was in remission.
But in September of the same year, Oliver’s cancer returned. His health deteriorated rapidly in March 2024, leading to further surgeries and chemotherapy. In September 2024, just two years after his diagnosis, Oliver died in hospital surrounded by his family, aged just 16.
“I didn’t even know about Shooting Star Children’s Hospices. A lovely nurse from Royal Brompton, where we lost Oliver, asked if I needed anything. At the time it was only a couple of weeks after and I thought ‘I’m fine’; I didn’t even reply to her email.
“I went back to work five weeks after I lost Oliver, thinking that was absolutely fine. It was too soon really, but I didn’t really know what else to do. A few weeks later the nurse from the hospital followed up and by then I thought, maybe it might be a good idea.”
Jenny was introduced to Lisa, a Family Support Worker at Shooting Star. “I still think I was a bit naïve, I remember her coming round and it was meant to be an hour and she stayed for an afternoon. It wasn’t long after Lisa’s visit that I realised that maybe I did need more help than I thought.
Lisa told Jenny about our Bereavement Café, held weekly at Shooting Star House for bereaved families to come together. “At first, I was like absolutely not, I can’t relate to any of these mums. I know we’ve all lost children, but in what circumstances? What I’ve realised since is that it doesn’t really matter the circumstances of how you lose a child – you’ve lost your child. I always thought your child had to be oncology, or a similar age and then you could understand, but I’ve actually included myself more than I ever thought I would,” Jenny reflects.
“I like coming here, which I never thought I would. When you think of a hospice, you think of quite a sad place, but it feels safe coming here, as you’re with people that are the same as you. Everyone gets it – we’ve got that commonality and we’ve even had socials outside of Shooting Star. We’re all very supportive of each other; it’s made a real difference.”
Jenny has also benefitted from other services offered by Shooting Star. “The first thing I wanted to do was counselling and that’s been game changing for me. I needed to understand the feelings that I was feeling. I had a lot of anxiety and PTSD, which I still get now, but it’s nowhere near the extreme of what I had before. Even Tom has said it’s probably saved my life. Well, it’s given me a life, I don’t know where I’d be without it.”
Lisa has also supported Jenny on her job hunt. “I lost my job at the end of last year and Lisa helped me get my CV together. We also went through interview techniques, because I didn’t have a clue where to start. We applied for lots of jobs, one of which was my dream job – I went for an interview and got the job! I wouldn’t have got it had I not had the support and belief in me.”
“I’d say to others, don’t leave it as long as I did – I don’t know what I’d have done if Shooting Star hadn’t been there.”
Please help us continue to be there for families like Jenny’s and consider donating today.
